Once upon a time, not so long ago(ish) I was a teenager. It was a time where I rolled my eyes….a lot and responded to all parental requests with a grunt and howls of how unfair life was. Why couldn’t my brother do something for a change!!!
Worse still, was the feeling of despair when I would leave a note asking for money to find it had either:
- been ignored.
- replaced with a written request of household chores to be completed.
The sight of (b) would results in shouts of “for fucks sake” and “talk about taking the piss” yet, I knew no amount of shouting to the walls and swearing would magic me any money or get me out of my chores.
I wouldn’t be going anywhere until I completed my chores or roped my friend into helping!
The wrath of my Irish parents was not something I willingly took on, unless I had company and was feeling somewhat stupidly brave!
And then – seemingly overnight – I became
my a mother. No chore lists, just verbal requests and text message reminders.
Comparing the two eras, the single biggest difference is I actually completed my chores and all before my parents got home.
Over in the Everyones Buck Stops Here house my kids when asked, always promise to undertake any task given. Usually responding with a resounding & convincing ‘OK Mum’, ‘yeah will do’ and so on.
Yet none are more exasperated than me, when I get home, apparently early, to find NO tasks complete with unconvincing cries of ‘I was just about to do it’.
With plenty of unwritten rules that we abide by, there are seemingly a fair few that slip through the net along with certain house rules & just plain etiquette.
BLESS OUR HOUSE AND ALL WITHIN BUT PLEASE REMEMBER THE FOLLOWING:
- If it falls pick it up.
- Rather than step over it, pick it up ie. Ironing on stairs.
- Pick up all discarded wet towels.
Please note you will ONLY be excluded from the above if your hands are broken.
- A bored person is a boring person.
- No means NO, along with ‘I will think about it’, ‘maybe’, ‘could do’ asking Dad will not result in a Yes (he will have already been instructed by me).
- No one has ever died from loading or unloading the dishwasher. If you need guidance the very experienced housemaid will be only too happy to assist.
- Leaving plates or cups in soak is NOT washing up.
- Do NOT boil the kettle without first checking it actually has water in it.
- Unless you have tasted it, you do NOT know what it tastes like.
- NO arguing before Mum has had her coffee.
- There is a reason why Chocolate is hiding in the cupboard – DO NOT touch.
- This is not McDonalds no one is on duty 24/7 to suit your dietary requirements.
- When you take the last biscuit out of the packet or the last drink out of the box please put empty wrapper/box in the bin. Leaving empty packaging gives the wrong impression. The sudden realisation it is empty upon such craving is soul destroying.
- If you don’t eat that CRAP for dinner! That’s your choice. Don’t complain later you are hungry.
- Scrub all empty plates of leftover food and ketchup and bowls of all cereal before it sets rock hard thus adding to an already ‘at breaking point’ workload of mine.
- Bins are provided in varying spaces in this house, please use them for all rubbish. The surrounding floor space/chairs/tables are not the ‘Bin’.
- If I take the time to iron please take the time to hang it up. Throwing it back in the laundry basket to avoid such action will not be tolerated.
- Telling me to check with ‘your friend’ for confirmation of facts is never going to be proof of validity.
- Just because you said you’ve done it, will not stop me from checking.
- If you ask for my help and I start to give it, please give me the grace of listening for more than 10 seconds before declaring you know it all.
- I don’t care you are ‘not the only one’ that does it, you are the only one I am speaking to.
- If you can turn a light on you can turn it off.
- Shut the door after you open it.
- When you borrow something PUT it back.
- You are neither Hansel or Gretel, and I know when you are home. I do not need a trail of discarded clothes to find you. PICK THEM UP.
- Explaining you didn’t know I had text you or was calling you is a lie – ignorance will not be tolerated. Remember who pays these bills!
- I am your mum so yes, I will turn everything into a life lesson.
- Do not question my sanity I have 4 kids I know where my sanity is, it left for another planet years ago.
- Do not wait for me to sit down before you decide you are actually hungry.
- In the car on the way to school is NOT the time to announce you have homework.
- I don’t know where your charger/school bag/blazer/homework sheet is either – look for these things yourself for a change.
- Bedtime is bedtime. This is not a time to suddenly feel thirsty/hungry or in the mood to debate about the unfairness of it all. My decision is final.
- It’s not ‘what’ it’s ‘Pardon!’
- Stop complaining there is no food in the house whilst staring at a freezer/fridge/cupboard full of food.
FINALLY……stop assuming that as your mother I have an automatic kinship with:
- Mind Reading.
- Teenage Mumble and Abbreviated text speak.
- Maths Homework.
- The kitchen sink.