Mother Still None the Wiser After Explaining Teenage Slang

Mother Still No Wiser After Teenage Slang Explained.

It was only a year ago – okay….so it might feel like a year but sadly, it’s like twenty-five years longer, when I was an eye-rolling, straight-talking teenager.

It would seem since having my own kids a lot has changed, including the English dictionary!

Back in my day if I said I was ‘talking’ to someone it meant I was talking to them, engaging in conversation, asking them if they had any fags or booze that kinda thing.

Back in my day, there was colour TV, I only mention this as my youngest son recently asked me if it had been invented when I was young.  I wouldn’t mind, but he was deadly serious when he asked!

Today, it would seem ‘talking’ is not ‘talking’?!  Confused?  I am even after writing this.

I reckon learning Russian would be easier than trying to fathom out what the hell my teens are on about half the time!

So, if like me, you don’t speak teenage-language fluently have a look at wtf-does-that-teenager-mean dictionary for further help and confusion.

It’s only a small dictionary, five words in fact.   There are shit loads of other WTF words but it’s so bloody confusing I couldn’t be arsed to explain any more than five.



Teenage ‘talking’, not to be confused with “engaging in speech”.

‘Talking’ said in a lower tone (the tone is very important!) is the stage between being friends and dating.  The bit before becoming ‘a thing’ (see below).

It doesn’t mean two people are talking about getting a McDonalds or shit like that, no it means they are ‘talking’.  Are you with me….?

So the couple, who are not a couple, are however having a sort of relationship but are still NOT a couple, they are just ‘talking’.

In a nutshell its the stage between just friends and dating.


Its gets even more confusing….!


Please note a ‘thing‘ does not refer to an unknown entity or Cat in the Hat.


A ‘thing‘ refers to being together…..but NOT in a relationship.  I repeat NOT in a relationship.  Being in a ‘thing‘ is a step up from ‘talking‘.

You have both established that you like each other (bloody hooray for that!) it’s exclusive but its still not a relationship.  Even more confusingly you CANT, yes that’s right CANT get with anyone else while you are having a ‘thing‘ that is not a relationship.

Are you with me……, okay an example perhaps to make it clearer:

Me: “Adam, are you dating Eve?”

Adam: “No but we have a thing, and she can’t see anyone else”.

I know, I don’t get it either, pointless springs to mind and why not just say we’re friends with benefits and be done with it, but I’m betting that’s a different term altogether.

Which brings me to full blown dating.  I didn’t ask them what that’s called, as I was still making notes on ‘talking‘ and ‘thing‘.  God only knows what they call ‘dating’ and how complicated that must be!


A totally unidentifiable word which has nothing to do with the noise a bird makes.

It simply means ‘Flirting’.  I know, simple eh…….how did we not guess!

For example: she is deffo on the chirpse tonight.  Seriously, how ridiculous does it sound!

I think she is deffo on the ‘piss’ tonight sounds better and is clear for all to understand.

I know, I hear you, what the hell has ‘Chirpse’ got to do with being on the piss? nothing…nothing at all.  There is no connection, it’s me being random just like teenage slang.


Anyone wanna guess???  No, okay it’s an expression of real admiration.  Often used by boys to describe girls.  It’s a compliment of the highest order.


ie. my husband thinks I’m peng and he’s dead right I am!

It can also mean great food.

Example: “That kebab with bad boy chilli’s was peng mate”.

I asked my kids the other day if their dinner was ‘peng’, I sounded stupid.  “Why are you talking like that mum, no one your age speaks like that,” said my teen son with a wtf raised eyebrow.

Thats right no one my age does.  So just for the craic and not because they have, once again said ‘I’m old’ whilst not eating their dinner.  I might use it when we’re out eating and the waiter asks if our food is okay, I will say “its peng thank you” and laugh loudly to draw even more attention to our table.


Opposite of peng.  And when I say opposite I mean the complete, further than you could possibly go opposite of peng.

Describes the opposite sex as being really ugly.  No further explanation needed.


I couldn’t end without jotting down two things, not slang words but ‘friendship code’ (my words before my two teens recoil in horror at this) I was just jubilant I finally understood what these meant straight from the off!!!

Chicks before Dicks

Bro’s before Ho’s

Both self-explanatory,


As for me, this ‘ole girl will keep using the words we all understand, thanks very much, such as:

‘as if’

‘eat my shorts’ or

‘butt ugly’

which according to my son “no one speaks like that any more Mum”.

This might be so, but give me words understood worldwide it makes life so much easier.  Now put that in your pipe and smoke it.   Of course not forgetting text speak:


I bet you just googled the above eh!!