She lost him at the start!

She lost him at the start!

She lost him at the start!

I love my Alexa.  From the moment I held her in my hands, we connected.   She sits quietly, waiting to help with anything I ask of her.

When I walk into the room, she just starts playing Chris Country for me.  She knows how to put a massive smile on my face.

Without so much as a ‘why me, it’s not fair, go away I’m in the middle of a game’ she’s on hand, eager to please.

I don’t need to stand, arguing my case of why I want it cleared up or asking a question deemed out and out cringy.

Unlike everyone else in the house, Alexa not only listens the first time she responds positively, job done.

Let’s Get Technical

Once in a while I break with protocol and go a bit tech savvy.  I love checking my kitchen cupboards shouting out all the items I have run out of for Alexa to add them to my shopping list.  The shopping list I have on my phone.  The one I never look at.

Sometimes I ask her to call a friend for me, only useful when your friends know you have called them.  After several texts to a friend, we managed to hold a conversation through Alexa.

Granted, we spent the majority of the time asking if we could hear each other with unusually long pauses in between, but hey I can now try and outdo other Alexa users ;-).

Total Domination

I now have a new gadget to use with her help.  This gadget will allow me to disable all devices attached with one command.

To think, there will be no need to get off my arse to engage in rounds of shouting and arguing why their time is up.  No more pleads of just one more game.  Alexa will just turn off all devices in one hit.

The only hurdle how to install it.  This is something I will have to work out solo.  There will be no help from the kids.   I want this to be a total surprise.

It gives me a ‘Ready Brek’ moment.  A warm inner glow imagining their reactions when I go for total shutdown.  I can’t wait to see their faces.

This will be a total game changer.

Alexa play………..

Occasionally, Alexa seems uncertain of what is being asked of her.  This ‘blip’ normally happens when hubbie starts interacting with her.  More often you will hear yells, much louder than Alexa requires “ALEXA PLAY TALK SPORT”.

When she fails to obey you will hear mutterings off “like all the women in this bloody house, never listen.   Followed by shouts: “have you set this thing up not to play any sports stations”?

Naturally, if this was an option I would have blocked all boring ball related stations.  Sadly, this is not an option..yet.

The problem lies in the way he asks.  He does not see this.  He has the same problem with the sky remote.   Another device unsure what he’s requesting.

There is nothing more painful than listening as he adopts a tone reminiscent of a Dalek to find the latest episode of ‘Loooofarrrrrr’.

It would be quicker scrolling through the TV guide.

*Disclaimer* I am not an Alexa expert.  Call it a hunch but I reckon if hubby spoke to Alexa as he speaks to all human people, he might be onto a winner.

He’s just…..erm misunderstood!

Often, hubbie wants to listen to what’s happening in the world of boring ball.   Listening to grown men talk about the why’s, whats and should have’s in the sporting world.  Alarmingly, he often starts to relay these uninteresting stories to me.

Unfortunately for him, he often misses crucial ‘sporting highlights’ as Alexa simply fails to understand what he is asking.

For some unknown reason, he ditches his ‘normal’ voice preferring to adopt various voice’s.

There’s one which sounds like he’s trying to summon the dead while another sounds like he’s having his windpipe squeezed!

He complicates something that is…..well……..not complicated!

Anyone else’s husband like this? A friend of ours, who shall remain anonymous, continually calls their Alexa ‘Siri’ and wonders why she doesn’t respond!

The Pain is Real

*Note this is NOT a list of tips & tricks for Alexa.  This is one example of my hubbies attempt at playing Talk Sport, his style*

IMG_5172

Colour Code Ref:      Husband   Alexa    Kid

*said in quick fired succession* ‘Alexa play Talk Sport’
Playing Walk the Talk by Doppelganger.
Eh??? What shit is this’?
It’s Monday the 19th March.
‘bloody woman, I know what day it is! I wasn’t asking that.  AlexaARRRRR playyyARRRRRR  TalkkkARRRRRRR  SportttARRRRRRR
Playing After School Club.
‘FFS, what’s up with this bloody stupid thing’?
I’d rather not answer that.
‘Right Alexa,  PLAY……Toooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrkkk  Spoooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrttttt

Adding Pork to your shopping list.
‘Shopping list! What shopping list”?
*Moves in closer and starts to hover over Alexa, with added Italian accent* Alexa’arr  Play’arr  Talk’arr  Sport’arr’
Sorry, I don’t know that one.
*eye rolling, huffing and shouts* ‘ERRRRR….LEXXXXX…ERRRRR   PLAY….ERRRR  RR TALKERRRR SPORTERRRRR on Tunein’.
I could not find a programme called Let’s Play a Tune on a Tin on Tunein.
Seriously?? this Alexa bollocks is taking the absolute piss now’
She’s going to piss her pants isn’t included with Prime but is available with Amazon music unlimited, would you like to learn more?
‘Alexa hear and understand this……you’re bloody stupid’.
You can always send feedback through the feedback app
“Right, that’s it, I’ve had it with this bloody things, she’s useless” *shouts out for one of the kids to come help him* Teen daughter walks in ‘Get this Alexa to play Talk Sport, I’ve tried but I thnk there must be a signal problem, or something as it wont work”!

“Alexa play Talk Sport”

‘Playing Talk Sport’

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8 Comments

  1. April 16, 2018 / 5:10 pm

    haha, I am glad I don’t have Alexa she would drive me potty X #LGRTstumble

  2. April 17, 2018 / 4:09 pm

    That’s really funny! I think Alexa is a true woman – with a pathological loathing for football. I’m not sure about all these techno gadgetty things either but I wouldn’t mind a real life Alexa now. #Tweensteensbeyond

  3. April 17, 2018 / 7:22 pm

    This is bloody hilarious I could just see my hubby losing his shit. We don’t have one, with my northern accept and hubby’s dutch one I think it would have a technological breakdown. #tweensteensbeyond

  4. April 18, 2018 / 2:00 am

    lol that’s too funny, i fear my husband would be the same. The teen has one and it drives him mad when i visit getting Alexa to do things for me #tweensteensbeyond

  5. April 19, 2018 / 6:59 pm

    Well I found this hysterical and I don’t even have Alexa. I have, however, had similar experiences with my husband trying to communicate with the voice-controlled sat nav in our car (please bring back maps) and with Siri on his phone. Glad I’m not alone. Thanks so much for joining us at #TweensTeensBeyond

  6. April 20, 2018 / 9:29 pm

    Oh Sharon I loved this. My teens bought me one for my birthday this year as they thought it would be useful whilst I was convalescing. We have had such a laugh with it. The best moments are when you mention Alexa or a word that sounds like it and she jumps into action mode for no reason. I also love the fact that she so frequently doesn’t have an answer for what you need to know! Not sure she is as essential as she is made out to be. #TweensTeensBeyond

  7. April 23, 2018 / 10:48 am

    Ha – Alexa and I haven’t bonded. There I’ve said it. I marvel at how my husband and daughter spend their life ordering this poor woman around. Yet, when I need something – I generally get the sorry, I cannot do that. I’m trying to build a relationship – giving her another chance so to speak but I’m not smitten. Thanks for your humour on this one #tweensteensbeyond

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