Unusually high use of mobile phone in village causes panic in town as families suffer from a loss of coverage for far too long. Parents were reporting suffering from headaches brought on by moaning kids.
It hit the town around 3.30pm affecting more than 500 houses causing chaos to hundreds of parents left to cope with the fallout of no 4G for their kids!
It is unclear why the network temporarily collapsed but reports say the sighting of a strange car in the local village prompted unusually high levels of calls to Village Watch member Mr. Hugh Datt.
“The strange car was parked across from the shops,” said Post Office worker Pat. “I noticed a young woman sat in the driver’s seat, wearing sunglasses, which was odd as it was raining. She just kept staring at the shops”.
Speaking to another resident, Mrs. Rosie Parker she told reporters how she was sat having afternoon tea when she saw a car pull up outside her house and park legally.”
“I’d never seen this car before,” she said, “I rang Village Watch hotline and reported it to Hugh”.
Retired supermarket security guard and Watch Leader Mr. Hugh Datt, recalled how high level of calls to his mobile, drained his shit battery within 30 minutes.
“I panicked when I realised my son had taken my new charger. After a quick search I found it alongside all the other chargers in his bedroom”.
Confusion in the Aisles
Experience told me, the woman sounded as if she was doing a ‘reckie’ of the local shops”.
I used to see this behaviour at work. It was always in the flour aisle. People would constantly be walking up and down looking puzzled.
When confronted it was always the same story. They were looking for cornflour.
Cornflour! everyone knows, cornflour is kept in the Shoe Polish aisle!
No shortage of Witnesses
Another witness Mrs. Hamm who was in the cafe having a toasted sandwich at the time recalled how she saw a local boy, who wishes to remain anonymous, rushing across the road from the Barbers to the car in question.
She said “he looked distressed. He seemed to be mouthing WTF pointing at his hair”.
As the unknown boy got into the car, local resident and village watch member Emma Herd, told reporters she was alerted by raised voices as she unloaded shopping from her car.
Curious she grabbed her recycling bin and slowly wheeled it to the end of her drive to get a closer inspection.
She recalled how she heard the woman say, ‘well surely to God you could see how much he was taking off”. “Why didn’t you say something to him like ‘sorry can you not take so much off’.
“It sounded like she was trying not to laugh. I heard the boy say “I didn’t know he was going to take that much off, did I”. “By the time I saw how much had gone, it was too late. My hair was on the salon floor”.
I couldn’t say I didn’t like it could I?
Next thing I heard was “just drive, get me home, now”.
With that, the car screeched off into the distance. I do remember hearing the woman shout “and don’t think you’re putting on that shite you call music”.
The Daily Grief spoke to mobile phone provider Tittle Tattle.
Chairman, Mr. Rich Pickings said the reason for the temporary loss of service was down to “an unusually high usage” a bit like my expenses bill.
“That is why some customers experienced a total loss of service”, he said.
“By late afternoon, our overpaid engineers were on it and supply was restored, Mr. Rich Pickings said.