Mother of 4 makes fresh appeal for missing PE kit

Desperate Mother of 4 makes fresh appeal asking for help in locating her Son’s missing PE Kit. Since going to press, his mother has discovered he has since lost the PE sock for his left foot.

A distraught and almost penniless mother is asking for assistance after experiencing the loss of another months wages to the local Uniform shop because her son has once again lost a PE kit.

His mother, told reporters that she was “pissed off” and in “shock.” The fifteen-year-old lad, payee of no bills, insists it’s not his fault. He hasnt lost, what he calls his “stupid PE kit.” Nor is he to blame for the loss of his brand new PE sock. In fact, he is completely blameless and someone else has probably got his kit or sock.

He told reporters without concern that “PE brings nothing to my life.” Claiming its not his fault its gone missing, stating “someone must have taken it”!

With any luck he added, he wont have to participate in PE anymore due to having no kit. Sadly for him, and annoyingly for his Mother, the school was not in the slightest bit sympathetic to this loss.  It didnt matter about the loss, what mattered was adhering to rules, and those rules are:  You will take part in PE end of.  There is a lost property box full of dirty, smelly PE Kit for occassions such as these.  Failure to show up in PE Kit will result in after school detentions.

No amount of complaining or excuses about having to work and being unable to pick him up will work. They have rules designed to inconvenience both student and parent.  Rules are not designed to be broken.

According to his mother he has checked lost property, which she feels was probably more a cursory glance owing to an inability to move things accompanied by tunnel vision due to a condition called ‘can’t be arsed, this is Mums job’.

According to his mother, up until about a week before that fateful morning, the student in question had been “stuffing” his PE kit into the space in his school bag that is typically used for chucking pens and pieces of paper in, as well as bent out of shape textbooks.

Owing to the demands on his time with trying to shut the ‘god-damn, stupid bloody bag’ he yelled at his Mother asking her to attend the shops as a matter of urgency to buy a branded PE bag.

Fed up from constant complaining, she reached out to their local sports shop in the hope they would have a branded bag in the sale.

Despite the bargain basket over flowing with cheap drawstring PE bags, their branding would be less than favourable for any street cred. She had no choice but to once again, spend far too much money on a brand acceptable to being seen in public with.

Retracing their steps that fateful morning, the Mother of the un-identified student told reporters how her son had been enjoying his breakfast while she clocked up her daily steps locating his PE kit in various corners of the house before packing it all into his new and over priced draw string PE bag and taking it to the car for him!

Dropping him at school, her parting words ‘dont lose your PE bag’ hung in the air as he slammed the car door, annoyed at being told to remember something, ignoring her completely as she slowly drove past trying to get his attention via sign language!

According to a source close to the family, his mother was rightly concerned, sending him several WhatsApp messages to check he had his PE bag with him at all times, but more importantly reminding him to bring it home. Its believed those messages were ignored.

Since the bag was discovered missing on the morning of his PE lesson, the parents have worked with the school to painstakingly piece together all last know movements of this latest missing PE bag.

Caught on Camera

Captured on CCTV the student is seen slowly entering school. As he strolls by the camera the black, branded PE bag can be seen on his back.

He is picked up again later heading towards the science block, doubling back to the canteen where he spends his entire balance buying 2 bottles of drink, identical to the drinks he already had at home but refused to take into school!

He is seen to pause to have a conversation with  friends. After a short while he is seen straightening his hair before heading off in the direction of the gym. Unfortunately, owing to an issue with the CCTV there was no available footage to support his claim “someone” must have taken it. The next time he is seen on CCTV is back in the canteen, laughing and messing around with his mates – there is no sight of the branded bag anywhere.

Headmaster Ivor Noseforit told reporters “we have sent out a school bulletin no one reads to the students asking them to pray for the safe return of his PE bag”.

You update us, we ignore it…..

The mother then found out that even though the school had been repeatedly given the parents’ new email addresses, they had neglected to update their records with them!

She hopes that as a result of the school becoming aware of this and actually updating ageing records, all parents will receive an email asking them to be vigilant and check to see if their children have an extra PE kit or bag!

Should you have any information that will lead to the safe return of this kit or in fact any of the other 3 kits still missing please get in touch.

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