Coronavirus:  Mum celebrates as kids face eating all the protein bars, porridge and other short-lived food fads currently sheltering in the cupboard of the never, never.

Coronavirus:  Mum celebrates as empty supermarket shelves leave kids faced with not much to eat but the protein bars, porridge and other short-lived food fads currently sheltering in the cupboard of the never, never.

With schools closed, the coronavirus pandemic continues to spread across the nation, causing both uncertainty and worry……..and great upset in one house.

During lock-down four kids currently enjoying shit loads of free time to please themselves, are said to be devastated after Mum breaks the news how the lack of supermarket provisions means they’ll be facing the coming months eating ‘proper food’.

With smiley faces,  chicken nuggets and ketchup as rare as hen’s teeth, they are left with no option but to eat the food kept in the freezer normally referred to as ‘there’s nothing to eat in here’.

Mummy Buck a former 80’s chick has spent a decade falling foul to pre-supermarket run promises, all convincing her their ‘food fad’ request will be eaten.  Firmly cemented with a long and lingering ‘pinkie-promise’.

Later to find discarded half-eaten bars throughout the house with excuses about not tasting ‘right’ catapulting remaining stockpiles to the cupboard of the never, never.

Five Minute Fads

One such fad – protein bars & porridge came about with Gym addict, Dippy age 17’s healthy eating episode.  During which Mummy Buck a former 80s chick lost a number of pounds…….from her bank balance as she stockpiled bars and bags all boasting ‘protein’ or ‘healthy’.


Dippy 17, insisted he would eat it all.  His only request – vary the flavours.  As with all, teenager promises it was short-lived.

Seemingly protein bars weren’t quite what he ‘expected’.   It didn’t get any better with the porridge.  Taken back by its appearance resembling wallpaper paste and tasting nothing like the picture hinted at, he managed 2 spoonfuls before tossing his bowl aside,  leaving the contents time to cement itself to the sides of the bowl as he made his way back to continue his game.

Etched on his face

The pain from eating protein bars is starting to show.  Unable to have visitors, one close family member told reporters how this morning’s family check-in Skype call, showed an exhausted-looking Dippy 17.  He was unable to speak due to continuous chewing.

‘I could see he was having difficulty’. She told reporters.  ‘It can’t be easy chewing then trying to swallow congealed balls of sawdust when one’s salvia has all but dried up’.

Although aware of his difficulty, an unsympathetic Mummy Buck a former 80s chick’s, was keen to get her point across by bellowing how the remaining bars better be eaten.  It was not well received.

Dippy 17, promptly left the room giving her the bird on his way out.

Whether or not they all get eaten remains to be seen.   Mummy Buck continued: Despite this current crisis, hunger is a good sauce and I look forward to cooking one dinner suits all and finally seeing the cupboard of the never, never finally empty.

If you enjoyed reading this check out my column in That’s Life every week.

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