Reports have been coming in all week of nightly disturbances in the small village of Buckville.
Neighbours report hearing unsettling sounds of loud screeching, shouting and crying.
One neighbour Bob Boffin told us “It’s very unnerving. It’s been the same every night since the beginning of December. Loud shouting, crying and slamming of doors, it’s like living in the middle of a war zone.
The first night it happened I was indoors enjoying a quiet game of scrabble with the kids. Just as I went to make my move with the bishop, there was an almighty scream. It was so loud and sudden I nearly knocked my vintage glass of Port over with fright.
We listened in stunned silence as arguments filled the night, broken only by the shrill of a female voice yelling “who the bloody hell put all the empty wrappers back in the tub. I’m sick of it”. She continued ranting about there only being bloody eclairs left and how she wasn’t ready to lose her teeth chewing them”.
Another neighbour and board game finalist 2017 Mr. Kum Last, told reporters, how he and his family were playing a game of Sorry. “My three kids love a board game. Its family tradition during the season of goodwill. With Cliff singing us through the evening, we like to indulge in a rare glass of squash and settle down to play as a family”.
Yep, they are that family!
“My kids have a marvellous relationship. Hugo just adores younger sister Margo, although he tends to be a bit softer with older sister Felicity-Mavis. The only downside to playing Sorry, is the genuine heartfelt sorrow it causes them all, in particular, Hugo. He hates it when he has to send his sisters counter back 3 spaces on the board.
Just as Margo went to make her move backwards, our game was interrupted by the sound of shouting and screaming. The horror on the kids faces said it all. Families arguing is not something they are familiar with.
One source very close to the Buck family told us, “It’s always the same at Christmas. Mummy Buck a former 80’s chick having made her empty promise back on the 31st of December, vowing to spend more time playing board games with the kids, starts praying they have long forgotten this promise.
It infuriates her when they remember. “How is it”? she asks, “that they forget everything else I tell them, such as doing homework or cleaning their bedrooms, yet they can remember a promise I whispered a year previous”?
Reporters tracked down Mummy Buck a former 80’s chick, to ask her what’s been happening to cause such a commotion in the village.
“Playing a board game as a family is what’s been happening. Take the other night for example, 20 exhausting minutes were spent just agreeing on what game to play. Choosing NOT to play Monopoly was the easy bit.
Why do they have to play with us?
Finally settling on the kids our game of choice it was show time. The sudden realisation all siblings were playing, annoyed each sibling intensely. Arguments for and against all agreed, it was time to pick teams.
At first, no one wanted Daddy Buck, Chelsea’s No. 1 fan, but then feeling sorry for him they all chose to be on his team. Leaving me to fly solo.
This is such good fun!
With a fixed grin, and shouts of we’re having fun aren’t we? Play began. I made a good start and answered two difficult questions correctly. Suddenly this was an issue. How could this be? Clearly, I must have remembered the answers from last time. It was a brand new game!
Halfway through the game, I was on a winning streak. This was not well received. I was asked to remove my x-ray glasses as clearly I possess the skill to see the answer through human flesh and bone. How else could I be getting the answers right?
With continuous huffs off “OMG how easy is this question, Mum always gets the easy ones and why do we always get the hard ones” the long slog continued.
There’s always an Author
Author of “Don’t be that Mum, Stay & Play” and world leading expert on how playing games with children can unite you. Talks in his book about the benefits of playing as a family. He likens it to educational fun.
Look at the positives. Kids are able to practice their maths in some games, building on mental strength. There’s the skill in learning how to follow rules and adhere to them. Most importantly they soon discover its not just about winning.
“What a load of shite” Mummy Buck, a former 80’s chick responded. “By the time my lot add up, get it wrong and start again, I’d have time to cook a roast dinner. This is why we have phones with calculators”.
“I do agree with Mr. Kum Last about it’s not the winning but the taking part that counts”.
However, according to Daddy Buck, Chelsea’s No. 1 fan, he told reporters about a time Mummy Buck a former 80’s chick argued with Pippy now 18 over a game of snap. He remembered how she spent hours arguing with a 3-year-old over her card with the bunny was not the same as the card with the rabbit. Mummy Buck a former 80’s chick had the matching rabbit card to shout snap, therefore she declared she was the winner!
“Of course there’s the unwritten rule where my kids are allowed to answer vaguely. As long as it’s almost right that will do. For example, ‘The Hobbit’ could be answered, Hobbit or that film with the small people. All acceptable answers if you are under 18. Over 18 and you will have to provide the full answer, “The Hobbit” as being older you apparently have an advantage, I lost the game on the strength of this ‘rule’ that night, I was cheated”.
Following, this article, we are pleased to report that all appears quiet in the village of Buckville. Mummy Buck, a former 80’s chick has recently updated her Facebook status with
Looking forward to an evening of games with the kids #festivefun #bonding #laughter #lovemyfamily. Merry Christmas everyone.
Neighbours, you have been warned.