What Your Camping Loving Friend Doesn’t Tell You!

What Your Camping Loving Friend Doesn’t Tell You!

There is something enchanting about the idea of a camping holiday: Fresh air, ‘free‘ days, nature, tales around the camp fire, no wi-fi, waking to the sound of birds singing sweetly.

Now not being one to burst anyone’s camping bubble buuuuuutttttttt let’s just say Murphy’s Law is always in effect on a camping trip – what CAN go wrong WILL go wrong,  factor in 4 kids and it’s a recipe for disaster.

Below is a snippet of events leading up to one of our memorable camping trips.


‘Just think, it’s a cheap holiday…….once you have all the stuff you can go whenever you like’.  Weirdly I found myself believing this along with being totally convinced my ‘discovery channel’ loving hubbie would be able to pitch our tent like he was born in the wilderness.  I mean how hard could it be?

Running the idea past the kids it was a resounding yes, they couldn’t wait, I found their excitement catching.

In my head, idyllic visions of us all playing games (without arguing) were swirling around.  I even had us sitting round a camp fire toasting marshmallows and singing.

I couldn’t deny it camping was looking good.

My excitement nose-dived slightly when I drained our bank account of all funds buying the ‘camping essentials’ every family needs….and never uses! (note to self..let it go!).



Forcing myself not to think how it might have been cheaper jetting off somewhere hot, I looked on the bright side.  I admit it was hard finding one but I convinced myself now we had all the camping ‘stuff’ we would be able to enjoy cheap, fun holidays for years to come.

I remained positive, after all, there’s a lot of Britain we have yet to explore.

Convincing myself  I reminded myself:

  • camping will be fun.
  • it will be sooooo cheap.
  • the kids will be outdoors filling their lungs with fresh air
  • they wont miss their devices

Sun-soaked photos like these would be replaced with ‘Camping is fun’ photos.



Squashing things into the car is the norm with us.  Not one to boast but it’s something we’re pretty good at, or so I thought until we decided to move home go camping.

Like an intelligence test from the Krypton factor – how to get 6 people and half your house in a car, it was safe to say we were challenged.  Hours later and with all hands and arses on boot we got it shut, we were ready.

Ignoring yells of “I’m squashed, I can’t see out” we set off.  Seconds after the back wheel left the drive it was  “how long will it take?” all the way interrupted only with sudden bursts of pointless arguments.

However, I was more pre-occupied with the thought I’d forgotten something.


Realising very soon hubbie was no Bear Grylls, we spent hours scratching our heads over pole positioning.  Finally admitting defeat we asked the kids for help, within no time our canvas hotel was up.

I couldn’t help but think how incredibly small our ‘6 man’ tent looked,  it was smaller than I’d imagined.  I wondered how the frigging hell we were all going to fit in the bloody thing.

Clearly, our tent had been modelled on the size of 6 Gingerbread men.

Nestled between other proper looking tents ours looked more like a dressing room.  Thankfully we only had to sleep in it, we were camping so would be living outdoors enjoying the British sun…….ha ha ha how foolish were we!

Thoughts of enjoying sun will only lead to the sudden onset of rain and dinner will be in the car with nights huddled round in a smelly canvas hellhole trying to keep dry.

What FUN camping is.



  • The campsite will bear no resemblance in any shape or form to the one you have in your head.  You will spend the next week convincing yourself, it’s not too bad, at least you didn’t spend a fortune!
  • A ‘6-man’ tent is NOT for 6 men.
  • Camping is NOT a holiday.
  • Camping with 4 kids = nightmare.
  • The sun will be shining as you leave home with rain hot on its heels.
  • You will have tent envy.
  • Time will be wasted every day searching for that one item you need ie. toothbrush.
  • The showers will stop working the minute you lather your hair with shampoo.
  • Waterproof tent my arse!
  • There is no such thing as a good night’s sleep.  You will go to bed teeth chattering and wake up melting in an inferno.


  • It will rain and you will get wet, VERY wet inside your waterproof tent.
  • You will be more concerned with keeping yourself warm and the tent dry than you will with doing your make up let alone doing your hair.  You will look shit and not care!
  • Wondering why people pitch up to the ‘no electricity’ pitch.
  • Sitting round campfires, playing guitars & toasting marshmallows only happens in the movies.  Our sites NEVER allowed campfires!
  • Who knew nights could be sooooooo long.
  • The kids will love the great outdoors until day 2, then they will want to do something fun!
  • You will hear ‘things’ at night and remind yourself the Blair Witch project was only a film.
  • Wrapping yourself up like a mummy to an inch of your life praying no bug will squeeze its hairy arse in.
  • You will never run out of things that can go wrong.
  • You will walk around with a fixed campers grin of ‘I love camping’ knowing tomorrow is one day nearer to going home.IMG_2370


  • Limiting your drinks after dark for fear of waking up needing the toilet.
  • There’s more chance of inserting your housekey in a door in the pitch black whilst completely rat-arsed first time then you will finding the zipper at night to get out of the tent for the toilet.
  • You will spend hours in the prison queue just so you can wash your plates and cups while the person behind mimics the clock from Countdown!
  • Dinner will become a concoction of anything goes.   Thank god for King Size Pot Noodles.
  • You will ‘nap’ on a plump, inflated mattress and wake up on the hard ground, mattress deflated rolling around like a weeble wobble trying to get up.
  • You will suffer with a bad back.
  • Your kids will wake up desperate for a wee, your husband will be unable to open the zipper so will get cross, turn green, let out a roar and rip the tent apart to get out (oh just my husband then!).
  • You will go home early (or maybe that’s just us!)
  • Bin tent on way out.

The final straw in the canvas tents arse was when rolling up the tent to go home in torrential rain, we’d forgotten to remove the car keys from within!    

After enduring it twice, we all agreed with no argument that we would not be camping again, EVER.  

It would be back to looking for passports, long queues, carousels, and planes.  And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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  1. August 7, 2017 / 6:30 pm

    Oh Camping – you gave me chills just reading this!! If I needed any more of an excuse to avoid it, this works perfectly hahaha great post x

  2. August 7, 2017 / 6:54 pm

    Haha, this made me laugh! It’s the getting up for a wee in the night that gets me! xx

  3. August 7, 2017 / 8:03 pm

    Totally with you here – camping is totally not on my agenda! Thanks for the chuckles, and confirmation that we won’t be tent-buying any time soon! #Blogstravaganza

  4. August 7, 2017 / 8:29 pm

    Yep, we binned our tent after ourlast five day monsoon in the Lake District. Never, ever, again!

  5. September 15, 2017 / 7:42 am

    Hahah this really made me chuckle and this…all of this….is why we haven’t gone camping as a family yet. Loved this post thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely xoxo

  6. September 21, 2017 / 4:58 pm

    Wow, camping with 4 kids, you brave person! I can just about handle it with 1 but MAXIMUM 3 nights. Deffo get the tent envy though. We have a 3 man but just about fits us and a toddler in it. Seeing an upgrade on the horizon to one we can actually stand up in. Enjoy your future non camping hols!

  7. October 4, 2017 / 10:48 am

    OMG this made me roar with laughter! So, so true. We have friends who go camping every year with their trailer, super tent and half their house. We decided to go too one year….never again! Lack of loo, showering crap, trying to get the car out after a storm, bored kids…..yeap…never again. Fun post. #tweensteensbeyond

    • Shazzab
      October 5, 2017 / 5:01 pm

      Lol I too have friends just like that. 🙂 Thanks for commenting its always good to hear from other like minded never again campers!!

  8. October 4, 2017 / 11:26 am

    Thank you for the giggle Sharon. I can identify with all of this. I’m a twice camper. The first time, I purchased a fold up tent for 2 people – believing that we would easily fit 2 adults and a child in. It was probably more like a pop up playhouse. We didn’t fit but we had to for the night. I cannot go into the story of this tent without my comment being longer than your post. One for another time! Time 2 – with a group of friends, girls and kids and thank heaven for their outdoorsy experience. But rain it did and yes, tents do leak. Oh yes they do. Thunder & lightning, a sick bug and a few days later, we lived to tell the tale. Will there be a third? Well I’m still dreaming of the marshmallow ideal to which you refer. Never say never!!! Great to have you back at #tweensteensbeyond. We’ve missed you, Nicky x

    • Shazzab
      October 5, 2017 / 5:05 pm

      And thank you Nicky for returning the giggle, your comment has made me chuckle no end. I too still dream of toasting marshmallows just not while camping 🙂 and thank you its good to be back on board xx

  9. October 4, 2017 / 12:23 pm

    LMAO! We love camping but you got that spot on!! It takes a few goes to get used to it but a proper sized tent does help. I can’t give any tips on overnight pee requirements due to alcohol though… Unless your tent is near a bush 😉


    • Shazzab
      October 5, 2017 / 5:06 pm

      I take my hat off to you for your love of camping. I’m 100% sure a proper tent helps, however we wont be trying this theory out anytime soon so will take your word for it. Thanks for reading and sharing your comments.

  10. October 4, 2017 / 9:24 pm

    Sharon I hate to say I laughed at your misery but I did but more so because you verified everything I had always thought.. I haven’t been camping since a teen myself and both my teens have shared enough nightmare stories of their camping hell at guide or DoE camps and more latterly festivals to make me realise that we will never do it as a family. Hotels all the way! Well done for trying. The best tale by far in my book on this week’s line up. #TweensTeensBeyond

    • Shazzab
      October 5, 2017 / 5:09 pm

      Thanks Jo 🙂 I am with your kids on nightmare stories, I could have gone on more!!! You are indeed a wise woman deciding never to do it as a family, hotels are by far the best option lol.

  11. October 7, 2017 / 6:01 pm

    I am a fan of camping but this really made me laugh and it is all so true. I don’t know why I put myself through it every year. On our last trip, my daughter went down with tonsillitis, my husband burnt his hand whilst cooking and got hit on the head by a tent pole and I sliced my finger on a pen knife. Happy days! Thanks so much for joining us at #TweensTeensBeyond

    • Shazzab
      October 10, 2017 / 8:13 am

      Thats the thing with camping theres always plenty of stories to tell lol. I take my hat off to you for your love of camping, wild horses wouldnt get me back camping 😉 thanks for reading.

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