We were both losers that day says local Dog Owner.
REPORTS are coming in: One local couple have fallen victim to SUEPS ‘sudden unexpected empty purse syndrome’ following a recent trip to the vets.
The couple, Mummy Buck, a former 80’s chick and her husband Daddy Buck, Chelsea FC’s biggest fan are still counting the cost.
Daddy Buck told reporters “I bloody knew it would happen. The fluffy one was booked in for an injection, that was it. Five minutes at the most is all it should have taken”.
“We agreed that Mummy Buck should have a quick chat with the vet about booking him in for a vasectomy due to his late-night antics”.
“He had been up most nights, wailing non-stop, desperate to get out the front door to follow the scent of all the furry females in the neighbourhood, who were up for it“!
“He was keeping us up for hours on end each night. I felt his pain poor boy, but I was powerless to help him” sympathised Daddy Buck.
Close friend and keep fit fanatic, Pat Myarse told reporters how in the days leading up to the Fluffy one’s appointment, Daddy Buck was having sleepless nights.
‘He told me how it was the same every night, he’d wake up sweating, shaking. Recurring nightmares of him running from ATM machine to ATM machine, trying desperately to withdraw cash.
Yet every machine said the same:
‘the Vets got it mate, you don’t even have enough in here for a coffee.”
Recalling that morning, Daddy Buck told the Daily Grief, “Mummy Buck left home at 9:30 am. I stressed as she left, not to get talked into buying any fancy packaged, pointless shit like miracle fur whitening shampoo.
The only miracle would be it actually working!
I also reminded her the pet food they sell is the same as the one down the road. The only difference being the price.
Her parting words “what do you take me for?” it worried me.
“And here we are, skint with a family to feed, it’ll be Baked Beans 57 ways for the next couple of weeks”.
Mummy Buck, a former 80’s chick said “Is he still droning on about me getting talked into things? He’s unbelievable, this is from the man who never knows how to get rid of those PPI callers, preferring to ‘pretend’ the call is for me. I’ll leave that there…!”
WE BOTH WERE LOSERS THAT DAY
Daddy Buck said how it was a real déjà vu moment when he got the call from Mummy Buck.
Through her sobs, he managed to make out something about the fluffy one needing further tests, there was mention of a dodgy sounding heart and maybe even a consultant. It sounded expensive.
It was to be a tense few hours for both of them, waiting for the call.
Daddy Buck, a practicing fortune teller said “I tried to console Mummy Buck, reassuring her his heart test would come back clear.
I had a feeling in my water there would be nothing wrong, call it a educated guess”!
Mummy Buck told the Daily Grief how anxious she was waiting for the call.
“I can’t tell you how pleased I was”, she said. “When the Vet gave the all clear. There would be no need to see a heart consultant”.
“As luck would have it, he had a ‘free slot’ that afternoon so was able to squeeze the Fluffy One in for his ‘ball removal’ operation'”.
Picking him up later that day, Mummy Buck recalled the scary moment when her card was declined.
“Fortunately, the bank immediately rang me they were checking the large transaction I was making was legit”!
“I’m so glad I recently changed Banks, they’re so on the ball this lot”.
“It was probably the purchase of the compulsory plastic cone collar, that put us over. Apparently, he HAD to have it to protect his stitches,” said Daddy Buck.
“Admittedly it lasted longer than the money in our bank account, by at least 30 minutes before it had to be binned”.
“All it caused was arse ache. It was a fight every time we tried putting it on the fluffy one.
It wouldn’t stay on any longer than a couple of minutes before popping off leaving him to have a good chew on it”.
“He’s always moaned about plastic crap, has done for years,” said Mummy Buck, a former 80’s chick”.
“Every bloody time we bought the kids toys they wanted for Christmas, I’d have to listen to his relentless complaining about plastic crap. Never mind putting it together”!
IN THE DAYS FOLLOWING
The Daily Grief are pleased to report since we spoke to Mr & Mrs. Buck they are looking forward to eating properly again and the fluffy one is recovering well.
He’s back to enjoying his favourite past time, biting human limbs and stealing shoes.