Mother Appeals for help finding teenage sons PE bag.

A TEENAGE BOY simply can’t understand why his PE Bag keeps disappearing his mum revealed today.

Mr & Mrs. R. U. Kidding’s Son’s PE Bag complete with school shoes, trousers, shirt, tie and brand spanking new, overpriced PE Kit remained missing as night fell yesterday.

The unnamed 15-year-old teenage boy, through no fault of his own, has once AGAIN lost his PE Bag.

The missing bag was last seen adorning the floor in the Gym.  However, distracted and chatting to a mate whilst comparing abbs on the way out, it’s unclear at this point whether he had his bag on him.

A source close to the family said “it’s not the first time this has happened.  He’s forever losing something.  Only yesterday he had to be sent back into school to get his school bag that he ‘forgot’ to pick up.  There’s a missing something nearly every term.  Naturally, its never his fault” the source told us.


The bag was only discovered missing the other morning when his mum checked his timetable and found he had PE that day.

Totally convinced but with absolutely no clue at all, the unnamed teen told his waiting Mum his kit was in the house…. somewhere. 

When ‘somewhere’ failed to turn the bag up he had a light-bulb moment, he remembered he’d definitely left it in the car.

Not wanting to hinder the search in any way, he remained seated on his arse eating his breakfast while the search continued.

With the car thoroughly checked and no bag found, the un-named teen appeared strangely shocked, even sporting a  surprised face when informed.

According to his mum, who is an excellent finder-of-things, this is not the first bag he has lost.

In fact, since starting school he’s had 3 bags go missing, none of which have been his fault along with countless pairs of PE socks, pens, pencils, calculators, pencil case the list is endless.

“It’s worrying to think there is an unknown entity targeting teenage boys and taking their PE bags.  Worringly, they seem to be targeting my son’s PE bag” she said.

When asked where he’d actually looked for his PE bag he replied, “Everywhere”.

When asked where ‘everywhere’  was his Mum told us it was the space no further than his nose!


After the second day of searching, Mr. R. U. Kidding returned to the last place his son had it on that fatal day.  Sadly to no avail.

“Unfortunately, my bloody crystal ball wasn’t working that day,” said Mrs. R. U. Kidding “otherwise I would have known to double check he had it when he got in the car”.

She recalled “He was waiting for me at the bus stop, as he couldn’t be bothered to walk.  It’s not an excuse, but as I pulled in a bloody bus appeared from nowhere.  I shouted to him to move his arse quick into the car.

It always happens doesn’t it, the minute you pull in to a bus stop one appears out of nowhere telling you to piss off out of the space”.

With rolling eyes her son sighed, adding: “Exactly……I had to rush into the car, with mum pulling off before I’d even had a chance to shut the door properly.  She should have double checked I had it on me”.

“You don’t understand, he told our reporter.  “I’m tormented daily by mum repeatedly nagging me to make sure I have my bag, constantly questioning whether I’ve done my homework, put my books in my bag etc, etc”.

Already this morning she’s nagged me at least 15 times and again in the car on the way to school.  I have to put my earphones in to drown out her nagging”.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is she needs to chill out,  it’s not as if I do it on purpose”.

Appreciating her son’s sense of humour she laughs shaking her head.

He added” Don’t get me wrong, I do appreciate my parent’s reminders, but mornings are fraught enough finding the gel for my hair, spraying myself liberally with Lynx Africa, strolling around cleaning my teeth and catching up with all my messages.  After all, I’m not the only one who loses bags, everyone does”.


His mother responded, “Who’s everyone?” with no response she continued “It’s about time something was done, clearly these boys aren’t losing their kits, no-sir-reeeeeee clearly some unknown entity is helping themselves to these bags as soon as their backs are turned”.

“It’s such a lottery tossing it in the classroom without a second thought and walking off.  Will it or won’t it be there when they return”.  Even more so will they or won’t they remember they have a bag to collect?

“This is the danger when I’m not around to do his thinking for him, things go missing” she added.

Mrs. R. U. Kidding appreciates though, there are boys who are savvy enough not to turn their back on their kits, therefore outsmarting the unseen entity.

 Mrs. Knott-Mine was asked if her son ever had his kit ‘taken’ ? she said, “gosh no, he’s responsible and thinks” laughing smugly.

Mr Will E. Learn scoffed “how does she put up with it? NO way would I have this!”.

Mrs. R. U. Kidding hopes this is the last time it happens, however, she is a realist and like all things teenage based she lives in hope ready to die in despair.

Mrs R. U. Kidding would like readers to know that fortunately her son is in no way traumatised by this recent event.  He has no flashbacks or pangs of guilt. He is able to sleep soundly in his bed.  After all it’s NOT his fault.

The search for the PE bag(s) continues.

Mrs R.U. Kidding adds: Should you come across any PE Bags which are NOT Adidas branding.  These will not be my sons.  He ‘doesn’t do’ taking any old cheap shitty bags to school!

Remember readers: If you see a woman, mid 40’s searching random places in the South East of England please don’t ignore her.  Instead, offer to lend a hand in her fruitless search.  She will be glad off the company.